18 Ways to Have a Great New Year
The following are rules to live by if you desire a happy, more fulfilled life. Honor these suggestions and your New Year will be a lot happier and more satisfying:
- Any love, when it is ignored, not given a high enough priority or when it is treated poorly—deteriorates.
- Be an active participant in your intimate relationship. A leader. You have an obligation to attempt to grow the love, the connection, the commitment and the happiness of each person in the relationship—and of each of you in the relationship.
- Pick your battles. You’re not going to win every disagreement, so choose wisely to fight for only those things that matter to you the most.
- Relationships have highs and lows, peaks and valleys. Walking in a valley from time to time in a relationship is normal.
- Always be a student, in everything you do. Don’t act like such a know-it-all that you think you can’t grow, learn and be a better version of you.
- As the expression goes, if you mess it up, clean it up. If you break it, fix it. If you borrow it, return it. If you hurt someone, apologize. Be accountable for what you say and do.
- Be more responsive to your spouse or intimate partner, and to the desires and needs of your children.
- Listen more. Talk less.
- Act less arrogant and entitled. Be more gracious and humble. This includes—but is not limited to—when you’re driving or talking on your cell phone.
- Be more fun. Find a minimum of two fun things to do every week without fail. Learn how to lighten up and enjoy life.
- The only way to get what you want is to do whatever is required to reach your goal. Don’t give up. Go after what you most value and desire.
- The only heaven and hell of which we can be sure is whether we are living in heaven or living in hell.
- In your important relationships—especially your intimate relationship—you will be more effective and are far more likely to have a positive outcome if, during a disagreement, you find some truth in what the other person is saying, no matter how wrong or misguided you think the other person may be. Saying, “You’re right. I see where you felt ignored (discounted, taken advantage of, hurt, etc.)” will be far more effective than arguing, defending, explaining or attacking the other person for what s/he clearly feels or thinks.
- If you have the ability to talk through and work through disagreements, differences, misunderstandings and fights, then and only then, do you have the ingredients necessary to have a passionate, happy, long-term relationship.
- Women want to feel cherished in their intimate relationships. That’s more important to them than virtually anything else you can offer.
- Affectionate touch is the most powerful aphrodisiac that exists.
- Thank your intimate partner for all s/he has given to you, and do this at least once a week, every week of your life.
- Being happy is, in part, having something positive to look forward to. Always keep a positive goal in front of you that you’re striving for.
- Go. You might meet someone.
Don’t procrastinate on these suggestions. Do them now. Happy New Year.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
- Relationship Problems Conflicts or Challenges (357)
- Abusiveness (6)
- Ambivalence (3)
- Anger (20)
- Are You Too Needy? (1)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (2)
- Boundaries (4)
- Co-Dependency (3)
- Commitment (33)
- Complainers (1)
- Control / Power Struggles (33)
- Defensiveness (15)
- Disconnection (13)
- Drama Queens (1)
- Emotionally Distant (43)
- Entitlement (2)
- Expectations (2)
- Fighting (3)
- Games Couples Play (1)
- Getting More Support (2)
- Hidden Issues (10)
- Infidelity (38)
- Internet Porn (2)
- Jealousy (9)
- Long Distance Relationships (2)
- Men and Women: Gender Differences in Relationships (21)
- Midlife Crisis (2)
- Money Issues (7)
- Narcissism (9)
- Not Being A Priority (5)
- Psychological Divorce (1)
- Sabotaging a Relationship (47)
- Safety (2)
- Sex / Sexual Issues (52)
- Troubled Loved Ones (3)
- Trust and Betrayal (43)
- Verbal Abuse (7)
- Volatile Relationships (1)
- When am I Good Enough? (1)
- Withdrawal (3)
- Improving Your Relationship (165)
- Apologizing (1)
- Communication (25)
- Compatability (4)
- Conflict Resolution (21)
- Forgiving (18)
- Getting Your Needs Met in Your Relationship (3)
- How To Deepen A Relationship (8)
- Love (24)
- Nurturance (1)
- Reconnecting (6)
- Romance (32)
- Romantic Intelligence (10)
- Seduction-Spark-Passion (6)
- Soulmates (2)
- Spiritual Intimacy (2)
- Traits of Happy Relationships (17)
- Troubleshooting a relationship/Evaluating a Partner (82)
- Improving Yourself (142)
- Christmas Blues (2)
- Dealing With Fears (2)
- Depression (8)
- Emotional Intelligence (6)
- Facing Our Challenges (4)
- Fear of Risking (7)
- Feeling Worthy of Love (2)
- Flourishing (3)
- Happiness (21)
- Inner Critic (8)
- Integrity (5)
- Keep Your New Year_s Resolutions (1)
- Making Peace with the Past (21)
- Maturity (2)
- Memories that won_t go away (2)
- Mistakes (2)
- Owning Your Shadow (3)
- Regeneration (4)
- Regrets (3)
- Resilience (8)
- Self Esteem (33)
- Shame (6)
- Trauma (4)
- Vulnerabilities (2)
- Work (1)
- Worrying (2)
- Looking for a Relationship (45)
- Losing a Relationship (42)
- Family Relationships/Parenting (30)
Dear Neil: I’ve been married for 37 years. My husband no longer notices me. For Christmas, he bought me a book I’d already read, the same ...read more
Dear Neil: My fiancé has cheated on me our entire 3 year relationship, having been faithful for perhaps 2 months in that 3 year period. He proposed ...read more
Dear Neil: I was wondering if you have a Wife 101 column to go with your Husbandry 101 column. What are the equivalent rules for women? Committed ...read more
Dear Neil: I have saved a column you wrote over a decade ago called “Husbandry 101: For Committed Men.” My copy has yellowed and frayed over the ...read more
Over the course of my career as a marriage counselor, I have heard thousands of stories about intimate relationships that have gone wrong.
Love, ...read more
Empathy is the ability to feel the emotions of someone else. It describes how well we identify with other people’s pain, fears, desires, feelings ...read more
We know that for the past 30 or so years, the divorce rate has been stuck between 40 and 50 percent of marriages. We also know that some people who ...read more
Dear Neil: My boyfriend and I have been dating for several months. I am in my 20′s, and am in university. He’s moving at the end of next ...read more
Dear Neil: I don’t know how to start, but I am ever so desperate. I have fallen in love with a man who is 30 (I am 20), and we have been on and ...read more