Breaking Up, Closure, Loss and Grieving

WHAT FAILED RELATIONSHIPS TEACH US

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

What You Can Learn From a Relationship That Ends

What Can You Learn From a Break-up?

So your relationship didn’t work out the way you had hoped, and you and your intimate partner have now broken up. How many adults can say that they’ve been through at least one intimate love relationship that didn’t stand the test of time?

50 Ways to Leave your Lover

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

The following is a continuation of the reasons (or excuses) people often give when breaking up, and explanation of what those reasons mean—and what, if anything, you can do about it.

Wanting to Leave, But Afraid of Being Alone

Dear Neil: I have been with my partner for three years. In the beginning, our love making was great, but as time went on she stopped giving herself to me on a regular basis. I now get sex once a month, if I’m lucky. It seems related to money, because the more I make, the more she wants to take, and then she is more sexual with me. But I lost my job three months ago, and now she’s angry with me all the time. I have come to realize that I feel so much lighter without her. I truly want to leave, but I’m afraid of being alone. How do I

Healing From a Breakup

Dear Neil: Last May I lost my boyfriend of the past four years. Our relationship wasn’t going anywhere, because he just couldn’t give me what I wanted and needed. I tried my best and it failed.

I am writing to you because I am feeling very alone and lonely, and I am hoping you could address the issue of how to deal with loneliness. I’m being OK being alone, but not in feeling alone. I feel alone every time I see a couple together, especially if I see them holding hands or touching.

Can This Relationship Be Saved?

Dear Neil: I recently wrote to you saying my husband is having an emotional affair. You advised me in the paper to explore why our relationship has grown distant, and what we could do to rekindle the spark between us. But my husband no longer wants to try. He says we can’t recapture what we once had, and that he is unhappy. He says that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that his heart is no longer in it. I’m not willing to let go without a fight. I think we need to give our relationship a fair shot. We have been together for

Do People Who Are Adopted Have Trouble Loving?

Dear Neil: I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We just broke up because he is adopted and he has issues loving someone. I don’t know what to say to him to convince him that I love him and I’m not going anywhere. I could care less that he’s adopted but he can’t get over it. Any advice you can give me?

Unsure of What to Do in Steamboat Springs, Colorado

Dear Unsure of What to Do: As someone who grew up adopted, your boyfriend very likely has fears of abandonment, of rejection, of not being good enough a

My Boyfriend's Rejection is Confusing

Dear Neil: I’ve been in a relationship with someone for three years. My boyfriend says that I don’t deserve to be with someone who is so up and down with his feelings. He says he loves me and is in love with me, but can’t stay because he doesn’t deserve me. He still wants me to be in his life—and I would love to be his wife. We’ve discussed making a clean break, but we never get around to it. This is hard.

Feeling Rejected in Vancouver

How Do I Get My Boyfriend Back?

Dear Neil: I am 26 years-old and for the first time in my life I have felt true love with another. But he has broken up with me and left me an emotional and financial train wreck of a mess. The problem is that he compared me to his ex, and accused me of doing things to him that his ex did. But I am being wrongfully convicted for a crime I did not commit. I cry myself to sleep every night alone in our bed. Please help me either get over him or get him back.

Lost and Bewildered in Colorado