Connecting with Others

The Cure-All for Disconnection

The Only Connection Skill You Are Likely to Need

Dear Neil: Can you help me repair my relationship? The lady in my life and I have lost the ability to be close with each other. Here's how a typical conversation between us goes: Me: "How was your day?" Her: "I'm annoyed. I feel like I'm a verbal punching bag at work. I'm in a bad mood." Me: "Well you're not at work now. Let's do something fun." Her: "You do it. I don't want to do anything tonight."

Chance Encounters

Imagine the following: You are running late to meet a friend for lunch. Because you are in a hurry, you find yourself speeding down an icy road. A police car spots you, pulls you over and tickets you for speeding. You curse your bad luck. When the police officer finally lets you go, you pass by a major car wreck—just blocks from where you were stopped. You pull over to lend assistance, and discover that the driver is hurt. She got in an icy skid and slammed into a telephone pole a minute or two before you drove by.

Quiz: Improving The Connection With Your Valentine

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

This Valentine’s week, perhaps it is time to concentrate on how to strengthen the connection and improve the intimacy in your relationship. How well connected are you with your intimate partner? Answer the following questions, taken from Pat Love’s book The Truth About Love (Fireside). How often do you:

How Do You Disconnect?

Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

We all know that it feels more intimate to be connected to the person (or people) we care about and love. Much less understood is how a couple who starts out with lots of love, erotic energy and hope—lose their close connection—and begin the painful process of falling out of love and feeling disconnected from one another.

Feeling Connected

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to effortlessly connect with others, even strangers, and are seemingly able to easily create closeness with people? Ever wondered why you have trouble doing the same thing?

How Do I Connect With Women?

Dear Neil: Since my divorce I have been trying to connect and form a relationship with a new woman. I’ve been out on a fair number of first dates, but very few second dates, and these encounters never get very deep or intimate. Things have changed since my college years. How do I connect with women these days?

Alone in London, Ontario

Keeping Your Emotional Connection Strong

NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES

Failure to keep your emotional connection strong has a high likelihood of ruining your relationship. But connecting is not magic. Like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced and mastered. Mostly, this is matter of noticing and responding to your partner’s “bids” for connection—any expression that says “I want to feel close to you”—and creating your own opportunities for emotional connection. Here’s how successful couples do it:

Getting Better Connected

NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES

If you would like to experiment with how to have a deeper connection with your intimate partner, try the following:

Creating a Tighter Connection With Your Mate

NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES

Building Intimacy

Adding Zing to Your Relationship

Jerry D. of Arvada writes, "After twenty plus years, (my wife and I) still love each other a lot, but our relationship has been on a plateau for several years. We both would like to add some excitement and new dimensions to our marriage that might revitalize our intimacy. Do you have any recommendations?"