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Inner Critic

Compassion For Self Requires Understanding of Inner Critic

Dear Neil:  I am interested in your thoughts on how to feel compassion for myself.  I can easily feel compassion for others, but when it comes to me I am extremely hard on myself.  I would like to know how to be kind and compassionate to myself and put my critic/attacker aside.

Inner Critic in New Zealand

Hooked on Approval? Here's How to Get Unhooked

Dear Neil:  I think being hooked on approval is the core to why I struggle and obsess so much.  There seems to be little ease and relaxation in me.  For me, approval seems almost a matter of survival.  How does a person change this?

Hooked on Approval in Vancouver, British Columbia 

Why Am I So Critical of Others?

Dear Neil:  Why am I so critical of other people?  I can really get on my boyfriend’s case from time to time, because he angers or disappoints me, because he misses an opportunity to be romantic or endearing, or because he says or does something that hurts me.

I think perhaps I’ve always been like this, only I’m getting more and more critical as I get older.  Why am I so critical of other people, and is there anything I can do about it?

Critical in London, Ontario

Does "Inner Noise" Plague You?

Dear Neil:  I seem to be forever plagued by strong emotions pulling me in different directions.  Several days ago I learned that I am pregnant, and I am extremely torn about what to do.  On the one hand, I would love to have a child.  On the other hand, I’m not in a committed relationship, and I do not want to raise a child alone.  But I’m in my mid-30s, and I may not get many more opportunities while I am able to conceive.

Criticism Can Carrode Your Relationship

NOTE:  THIS IS THE 2ND OF A TWO-PART SERIES

Few couples can completely avoid criticizing each other now and then, even in healthy marriages.  The trouble begins if you feel that your complaints go unheeded, and your spouse just repeats the offending habits. Or, perhaps you never clearly expressed your concerns, or you don’t express your concerns effectively.

Quiz: How Critical Are You?

NOTE:  THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES

Dear Neil:  My boyfriend accuses me of being a critical person.   I admit I complain from time to time about things that bother or disturb me about him, but I don’t think that I am that critical of him overall.  Is there a way to tell if I am crossing the line and being too critical?

Upset In Phoenix

Dear Upset:  Take this quiz if you’d like to learn how critical you are:

Controlling Judgement of Yourself---and Others

NOTE:  THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES

Let’s say your father is a judgmental man who is constantly commenting on the shortcomings of others.  You are likely to develop a strong Inner Critic who picks up your father’s judgments and uses them against you.  Underneath it all, your Critic is hoping to make you so perfect that your father will love you and will stop pointing out your shortcomings.  But your role has been established:  you are a victim to the judgments of others.

Do You Know Your Inner Critic?

NOTE:  THIS IS FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES

Do you know your Inner Critic?  The Inner Critic develops in our youth to protect us from being shamed or hurt.  It is extremely anxious, and almost desperate for us to succeed in the world and be accepted by others.  So the Inner Critic sees, hears and feels what is wrong with us in the eyes of our parents, our peers, our church and other people who are important to us.

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