Rejection

Can I Stop My Wife From Rejecting Me?

Dear Neil: I have been married for 32 years. My wife wants nothing to do with me, and for the past two years has been sleeping in another room. She gives me the silent treatment until I can't stand it anymore. It's been more than a year since we've had any intimacy or have even held hands. A year ago she got a job and now spends 12 to 14 hours a day at work. We have almost no contact with our friends, and we do virtually nothing together. I keep asking her to go places or do things with me, but she always makes an excuse not to. Please help. I love my wife very much.

Betrayal May be Too Hard to Overcome

Dear Neil: I’ve been in an on-and-off again relationship with a man I have two children with. I love him dearly and I want to be with him. But he wants to leave in order to determine what he really wants from our relationship and how he feels about me. He’s having a hard time dealing with the past. I had an affair with his brother, and he can’t get past it. I love him, and he means the world to me. Please help.

Lostlove in Baltimore, Maryland

When Somebody Leaves But Fails To Tell You

Dear Neil: I am at the end of my rope. I have been with my wife for almost 15 years (married for three years). Several years ago she cheated on me. She denied it but I found out that she was lying. I went overseas to work, she started the affair again and added another guy to the mix as well. My family has always taught me to try to work it out, so when I came home, I did, and she stopped her affair. But after a year she started back up with the first one. She begin to constantly lie about what she was doing or who she was with, and then she dis

My Boyfriend's Rejection is Confusing

Dear Neil: I’ve been in a relationship with someone for three years. My boyfriend says that I don’t deserve to be with someone who is so up and down with his feelings. He says he loves me and is in love with me, but can’t stay because he doesn’t deserve me. He still wants me to be in his life—and I would love to be his wife. We’ve discussed making a clean break, but we never get around to it. This is hard.

Feeling Rejected in Vancouver

How Do I Get My Boyfriend Back?

Dear Neil: I am 26 years-old and for the first time in my life I have felt true love with another. But he has broken up with me and left me an emotional and financial train wreck of a mess. The problem is that he compared me to his ex, and accused me of doing things to him that his ex did. But I am being wrongfully convicted for a crime I did not commit. I cry myself to sleep every night alone in our bed. Please help me either get over him or get him back.

Lost and Bewildered in Colorado

Why Are Men Not Romantically Interested in Me?

Dear Neil: I am 32 years-old and I have never been married—and I haven’t had a real long-term relationship in nine years. Guys I date tell me I’m like one of the guys because I like watching sports and don’t mind just hanging out with friends. They tell me that any man would be lucky to have me. They even tell me I’m not the marrying type—even though I really want to get married and have a family. I let a guy know he is important and do all the ego stroking stuff I think they want to hear. I do like a man that opens doors and pays for the date.&

Why Did Woman Reject Open-Hearted Man?

Dear Neil: Women claim to want a man who is open-hearted and comfortable with intimacy—a man who can show his more vulnerable emotions. But when I have offered my heart and vulnerability to a woman, I have most frequently been judged, rejected or dumped. In my most recent relationship, I not only gave her my heart, but I did so soon after we met. I also bought her jewelry and other gifts, took her on expensive holidays, was emotionally expressive, offered her a commitment and fell head-over-heels in love with her. Why would a woman say that she values those

Quiz: How Resilient Are You?

Dear Neil: Is there a way to measure how resilient a person is? My girlfriend walked out on me the same week I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I’m handling things okay, but it got me to wondering if being resilient is something I could cultivate or develop. Any ideas?

Holding On In San Francisco

Rejections

Dear Neil: I left our house because my husband of 14 years did not want me there, and he was treating me very badly. He now treats me like an outcast, like I have done a great wrong, and has a great deal of anger toward me. In the past year, I discovered he was having an affair. Why is he treating me so badly when it was him that has been having an affair? I still care for him. Can this be worked out?

Wounded In Kentucky

Rejection Can be Hard to Deal With

Rejectors and Rejectees Have Different Dynamics

Dear Neil: On meeting my ex-partner eight months after our short but intense relationship ended, I found that although I had worked through the cycle of shock and bitterness, she was still mired in anger and insult.

I was given no explanation at the time of our break up as to why she was leaving. I had to come to terms with it, and finally lifted its burden from my shoulders. The fact that I still occasionally feel pangs of anger is presumably due to the trauma I experienced.