Commitment

I'M 21. IS IT TOO SOON TO THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED?

Dear Neil: I'm a 21 year old college student going into my final year. I have been in a relationship for almost two years with my first serious boyfriend. I am not going to get married for another year at least. My parents are pushing me away from the relationship because they believe I should date more. My parent's themselves recently divorced, and my mother believes that marrying too young is the reason the divorce occurred.

How Committed Are You - Truthfully?

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

This is a continuation of the soul-searching questions about how committed you are to your intimate partner or spouse:

A Soul-Searching Look at Commitment

Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

My wife and I have been married twenty five years, but every so often I talk about separating and/or divorcing because I am unhappy with our relationship and the way my wife acts. Does commitment waver for couples depending on the issue? Are there degrees of commitment which are dependent on getting your needs met?

Unhappy in New Zealand

Is There a Way I Can Get My Boyfriend to Commit to Me?

Dear Neil: It seems the differences between men and women have been shattering my hopes and dreams as of late. My boyfriend (well, no longer) and I are both 33, we have been together for almost two years, having mounds of fun together. But all talks about the future have always stemmed from me, and have always led to a “I’m just not sure” response. Recently, we’d decided to move in together. But we fought so much, we decided to break up.

What To Do If You're The "Other" Woman

Dear Neil: I am an avid reader of your column. I would like for you to address the flip side of infidelity—and discuss the “other” woman. She is not always an evil harlot looking for fun. I can speak from experience, since I have been on both sides. I was married and cheated on, and presently I am involved in a loving and wonderful relationship with a married man. This present relationship is more painful than when I was married.

Why Does My Girlfriend Keep Leaving Me For Other Men?

Dear Neil: Me and my ex-girlfriend have been in an on and off again relationship for the last eight years. We had a child about a year after we met. She also had an on and off relationship with a boyfriend before (and during her relationship with) me. When I was getting ready to propose she told me that her old boyfriend was coming to visit and, of course they got engaged. Eventually he left her. We started getting close again, but then she started dating an old friend of hers at the same time, and just a few days ago they decided to get engag

What Does My Boyfriend Need in Order to Make Up His Mind?

Dear Neil: Twice in the past year my boyfriend of two years has indicated to me that he’s confused and needs to think about our relationship. The first time was six months ago. Now he wants more time, and I’m not sure I want to give him any more time. Is he going to be chronically confused in this relationship?

Not Knowing Which Way To Turn, South Africa

Is My Boyfriend Too Damaged From Childhood?

Dear Neil: I’m in a one year relationship with a man. We seem to have a real genuine bond and friendship, and we communicate well and talk all the time. Basically we have what I would consider a “perfect relationship,” except for one thing.

Is Living Together Without Marriage Still a Committed Relationship?

Dear Neil: I told a male friend I had sexual fantasies about him. At the time, he was living with a woman. I persuaded myself that if a man is a partner/boyfriend with a woman and not her fiancé or husband, he is actually available. I figured that if a couple isn’t married within two years of meeting, especially when they’ve spent almost every day together, that they aren’t going to marry—even though they are having sex and living together.

Should I Marry a Man I'm Not Attracted To?

Dear Neil: My ex-boyfriend proposed to me recently. I have not given him an answer. I am not fully in love with him. He has great personality traits, but I do not feel physically attracted to him, and I don’t know what to do. I am afraid if I say yes, our marriage may not end up working out because attraction is important. Also, I recently started a long distance relationship and I feel emotionally connected to this other person—and I am afraid to hurt either one of these men.

Wavering in New York