Control / Power Struggles

POWER GRAB SPEAKS OF BIGGER ISSUES

Dear Neil: My wife has decided that she is going to get pregnant. She didn't ask me how I felt about having a child, she told me that she has made a decision to get pregnant. What do you think about this?

Feeling Forced in San Antonio, Texas

Dear San Antonio: On first blush I think her stance is a prescription for her marriage to fail.

ARE YOU CONTROLLING?

Are you controlling? Have control/power issues been a big part of your history---either with you feeling controlled by others or by others accusing you of being controlling?

You may not realize that your need for power is why previous intimate partner's have left you in the past---or why one is resisting you in the present. If that statement fits, your intimate partner likely feels (and has communicated) that s/he feels forced into submitting to your will---and has therefore pulled away from you.

Should I Live with Photos of Widower’s Departed Spouse?

Dear Neil: I am crazy in love with a wonderful man—a widower. His late wife passed away eight years ago after 23 years of marriage. We have been engaged for over a year now. He has two grown sons, has another two sons (ages 10 and 12) at home and a special needs son that is 29. I have the utmost desire and commitment in keeping their mom’s memory open. There are nice family photos around my fiancée’s house, but the 10X20 of my fiancée and his late wife hanging in the dining room; small pictures of her stuck in the corner of every frame in the house; a

Do You Communicate with Intent to Control?

Did you know that close to 90% of all human communication comes from the (usually unconscious) intent to control? So says Susan Campbell in the book Saying What’s Real (H. J. Kramer). She says the intent to control reveals itself in many disguises:

You, Me and Us

Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.” The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.)

What Can Be Done About a Controlling and Bullying Husband?

Dear Neil: My new husband, for 8 months now, can fly off the handle at me for something I said, and the next two days turn into turmoil. I’m not used to this bullying type of fighting. He’s pretty protective of what I do, and doesn’t let me go on trips with girlfriends, even if they are married. But yesterday he started talking about a high school road trip reunion he was going on. I said, “So you have no problem with me going on a road trip with my friends, right?” He went crazy, saying I don’t care about him because he was excited about doing

Sexual Politics and the Authentic Self

Dear Neil: Help me make sense out of what happened in this relationship. From the time we first met, “Brianna” and I were together all the time.

Solving Relationship Problems Requires Compassion

Note: This is the third of a three-part series.

Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment:

Anger and Resentment is Related to Your Hurts

Note: This is the second of a three-part series.

Substituting Power for Feeling Loved and Valued

Note: This is the first of a three part series.

Want to have a better relationship? One of the worst things that can happen to your health and happiness is to live with a resentful, angry or abusive partner. But the worst thing you can do is become a resentful, angry or abusive partner.