Dealing With Someone’s Shame and Defensiveness

Dear Neil: I met a man, who I grew extremely fond of. But he is dealing with what appears to be shame based baggage. After some really far out sensationalistic accusations toward me, and a great deal of elevated anxiety—I ...read more

The Faces of Diversion and Distraction

Dear Neil:  I sometimes get aggressively hostile toward my boyfriend, even though I know he doesn’t mean me harm with what he says.  ...read more

Why Do Critical People Get Angry When They Are Criticized?

Dear Neil: My boyfriend confuses me. He can get very sharp with me: critical, judgment and easy to anger when offended. At times, he gets irritated and very critical at what feels to me like minor infractions, and he can get quite verbally hard on me for making even a small mistake.

So why ...read more

How Do You Protect Yourself?

The most common primary responses to stress, anger, criticism or rejection are: fight, flight, freeze and faint. At various times you may have experienced all of these responses, but most of us have a predominant style. Take the following quiz to determine which style you most commonly use, courtesy ...read more

Handling Criticism Better

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series.

What’s the worst thing anyone could say about you?  Of the myriad of potential answers you might come up with, let’s say that your spouse or lover says that you’re insecure.

Instead of getting angry or defensive, let’s ...read more

What’s Behind Your Need To Defend Yourself?

Are you defensive?  Have people told you that you respond defensively when feedback, criticism, suggestions or requests are made of you?  Have you noticed that you have a tendency of never wanting to admit that you’re wrong—even when you could be?

Byron Katie, in her book I Need ...read more