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Choosing Unavailable Men

    Dear Neil: Awhile back I met and grew close to a guy who was in a 10-year relationship with someone else. He always told me to be open to meeting someone else. So I met someone else, and we started dating. Things were complicated from the beginning because his life ambition is to become ...read more

Categories: Commitment Emotionally Distant

Reader Asks: How do I Let My Guard Down?

Dear Neil: I grew up believing I had to be strong. I had a difficult childhood and grew up really fast. I never received the nurturance I needed, ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant Fear of Risking Improving Yourself

Attracted to the Wrong Person

Repeating The Familiar

“Why am I attracted to emotionally unavailable men?”, asks Sandra P. from Christchurch, New Zealand. “Time after time, I get involved with men who are emotionally withdrawn and distant, or physically remote, or married, or workaholic, ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant Sabotaging a Relationship

Withdrawal and Disconnection

Feeling a bit disengaged or withdrawn in your relationship recently?   Don’t feel badly.  Most people do.

Everyone—no matter how close or intimate, and no matter how much you may love each other—sometimes feels disconnected from the people they love and are devoted to.  ...read more

Categories: Disconnection Emotionally Distant Sabotaging a Relationship

Hot and Cold Behavior is Confusing

Dear Neil:  I am a 25 year-old divorced mother.  My boyfriend and I recently moved to the same neighborhood to be close to each other, but ever since then he has gotten moodier and more distant..  This has made me increasingly panicky about our relationship, and when I question him ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant Sabotaging a Relationship

What Makes a Person Emotionally Unavailable?

Dear Neil:  What makes a person—namely a man—become emotionally unavailable?  Why do men seem to value being emotionally available far less than women?  What are some things a man could do to overcome being emotionally unavailable?

Hurt in New York

Dear Hurt:  ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant Evaluating a Partner Sabotaging a Relationship

Craving Intimacy – But Rejecting It When Offered

Dear Neil:  I don’t understand why a man who said he was searching for a love relationship rejected it when it was offered to him.  He said I was his best friend, easy to get along with, comfortable to be around, responsive, warm, affectionate, hot, romantic and sexy.  He said I was ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant Sabotaging a Relationship

Emotionally Unavailable People Typically Remain Unavailable

Dear Neil:  I have always blamed the men I was with for things not working out.  They weren’t right, didn’t treat me well, etc. The last man I was with expressed to me that he didn’t know what to do with his life and what he wanted.  This man was not only directionless, he was ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant

Romancing The Stone

Dear Neil:  I have a boyfriend who I think of as my soul mate, and I love him dearly.  The problem is that he rarely calls me, rarely has time to get together, rarely invites me out to dinner(or to other forms of entertainment), and seldom is endearing or romantic toward me.  He is ...read more

Categories: Dating / Singles Issues Emotionally Distant

I Don’t Know How to Trust People

Dear Neil:  I am 43 years-old and have never been married.  I have a college degree, am adventurous and fun.  But I don’t know how to trust people and allow my defenses to come down.  I couldn’t trust my parents.  My first boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, and ...read more

Categories: Emotionally Distant Trust and Betrayal

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