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Hidden Issues

ACTING HELPLESS AND IN NEED OF RESCUE DOES NOT MAKE FOR A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

The opposite of mothering a grown man is to act like a little girl around him. Little girls get lots of attention for being sweet, cute and vulnerable. As a grown woman, are you using little girl tactics as a way to attract or to keep a man?

This dynamic is explored by Barbara DeAngelis in her book Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know (Dell Publishing). According to DeAngelis, little girl tactics include:

ONE WAY TO SCREW UP YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

Money Arguments Reveal Powerful Underlying Issues

Dear Neil: We have been fighting about money issues for years. We argued about money when we were doing very well, and we're fighting about money now, when we're not. We disagree on how money is to be spent, what our financial priorities are, how to handle it when we disagree about a purchase and how much credit card debt we should carry. Right now this is complicated by us earning less than half the income we were making two years ago. Why is money such a hot-button issue for us? We know we're not the only people having to get by on less.

Arguing in Washington

What Our Intimate Relationships Teach Us

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series.

If you’re wise, you’ll view your intimate relationships—and your partner—as your teacher.  Your relationships have essential lessons to teach you, and you must learn them if you are to have a happy life:

Our Relationships Are Our Teachers

Here are some of the things our intimate relationships—and our intimate partners—teach us:

Discovering The Link to Your Hidden Issues

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series.

When you are squabbling with your intimate partner over petty, small, nitpicky things, could you describe with confidence the hidden, more subterranean issues that you are fighting about?

Most people can’t.  Most people have, at best, an extremely vague idea about what pushes their buttons, or why they get so triggered about certain behaviors.  They may know they’re in a power struggle with their spouses or lovers, but they have poor understanding what they’re actually fighting for.

Hidden Issues Often Destroy Relationships

Note:  This is the first of a two-part series.

Are you fighting a lot about small petty things?  Is the anger or reactivity in your relationship seemingly out of proportion to the issue or conflict that began your fight?  Are either of you getting worked up over seemingly small issues, gestures or slights?

If so, there’s a good chance that what you’re really fighting about is not the small petty issue that triggered the fight—but rather deeper, hidden, subterranean issues that so often drive angry, bitter arguments, conflicts, disagreements or fights.

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