Infidelity

MEN BEHAVING BADLY, AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

It's plastered all over recent news reports. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the managing director of the International Monetary Fund---and a married man with children---arrested for alleged attempted forcible rape of a hotel chambermaid. Arnold Schwarzenegger, actor and recent Governor of California, and also a married man with children, admitted that he fathered a child with one of his household's employees, and hid the whole thing from his wife and family for more than 10 years.

Are Men More Damanged by Infidelity Than Women?

Dear Neil: My partner of 14 years and I have recently separated---the catalyst being my discovery of her third affair in the last 8 years. In telling her how damaging her affairs have been to me---feelings of betrayal, hurt, anxiety and humiliation---I said an affair is about the most damaging thing you can do in a relationship. She commented that this is only true from a male perspective, suggesting that women are more hurt by other things, such as a lack of support, being undermined, being taken for granted or not being made to feel special.

Husband Admits to Having Sex With Other Men! What Do I Do?

Dear Neil: My husband of 15 years has just told me of his active bisexuality. He has been having sexual liaisons for the whole of our marriage, and tells me that 80% of the men he has sex with are heterosexual, in stable relationships, and with no intentions of leaving their partners/wives/families—or of revealing their secret lives. How common an issue is this for couples? If he hadn’t been caught by a third party, I still would have been none the wiser.

I feel such a huge sense of loss, grief, rage and confusion—as he says he loves me

Can I Love Two Men at The Same Time?

Dear Neil: I would be interested in your opinion of my romantically loving two people at the same time. I am very happily married with two children. I am also in love with a colleague at work. My husband is aware of my attraction to this other man, but because he feels threatened by it, I have not told him of the physical relationship that we have. I do not want to hurt my husband, and I try very hard to reassure him of my love and of my commitment to him and our family.

Lack of Sex Leads Couple to the Brink

Dear Neil: Five years ago, when husband’s ADHD/bi-polar son started acting out, I was so exhausted after working all day and then dealing with his son that I had no desire for lovemaking. After about a year and a half without intimacy, one night was all it took and I became pregnant. The pregnancy lasted about two months. I can conceive but not carry full term, and I was devastated. This was my third pregnancy loss. We’ve not had sex since—I’ve not been able to. This week he told me that he was having an affair with a woman at work and that she

Betrayal May be Too Hard to Overcome

Dear Neil: I’ve been in an on-and-off again relationship with a man I have two children with. I love him dearly and I want to be with him. But he wants to leave in order to determine what he really wants from our relationship and how he feels about me. He’s having a hard time dealing with the past. I had an affair with his brother, and he can’t get past it. I love him, and he means the world to me. Please help.

Lostlove in Baltimore, Maryland

Can Someone Who Cheats Still Be in Love?

Dear Neil: What causes some people to cheat multiple times with multiple partners, or to cheat habitually? Can a person who habitually cheats also love his/her spouse? Infidelity changes a person into someone who is deceitful, foolish, cold and calculated. What is that person’s point of view? How do I overcome these feelings that have basically taken me over?

Stunned in the South

Emotional Affairs

Dear Neil: I have just discovered that my wife of two years has had what she is calling “an affair of the heart” with someone else. She assures me that they haven’t sexually consummated the relationship, and says she doesn’t love him, but says they have grown very close and emotionally intimate. She says that as long as she isn’t being unfaithful, I should have nothing to worry about, and that the other person is just a close friend. But she has also said that they once kissed, and I read on an e-mail of hers where they talked about what might have happened if th

Can a Pattern of Infidelity be Broken?

Dear Neil: Please discuss the issue of infidelity within a committed relationship. Why do people do it, why is it often more men that do it than women, and can a pattern of repeat infidelity be broken?
Curious in Wellington, New Zealand

How Do I Earn Back Trust?

Dear Neil: I was dating the most wonderful girl in the world. The only girl who I have thought about being with for the rest of my life. She was the best thing that ever happened to me—and I cheated on her. I don’t know why I cheated, but I did. I am twenty-three and lost without her. Is there anyway I could get her back? Anyway to make her trust me again?

Sleepless in New York