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Money Issues

Money Arguments Reveal Powerful Underlying Issues

Dear Neil: We have been fighting about money issues for years. We argued about money when we were doing very well, and we're fighting about money now, when we're not. We disagree on how money is to be spent, what our financial priorities are, how to handle it when we disagree about a purchase and how much credit card debt we should carry. Right now this is complicated by us earning less than half the income we were making two years ago. Why is money such a hot-button issue for us? We know we're not the only people having to get by on less.

Arguing in Washington

Money Issues Can Be Resolved, but it Takes Hard Work

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series.

Money issues have the potential to ruin or define a marriage like few other things, because money is not simply about money.  Money symbolizes much about how well we trust, how true your commitment is, how deeply we feel loved and valued, and how much power and control we exercise over our lives.  So says Jenkins, Stanley, Bailey and Markmen in You Paid How Much For That? (Josey Bass).

Money Issues and Intimacy: An Inventory

Note:  This is the first of a two-part series.

Money is the topic that is consistently reported to be the number one problem area for couples.  Not jealousy or sex or chores, but money.  So if you and your partner don’t always see eye-to-eye when it comes to money, you’re not alone.  The sheer number of decisions that revolve around money makes it unlikely that two people will always agree about what to do with the stuff.  So says, Jenkins, Stanley, Bailey and Markman in the book You Paid How Much For That? (Jossey-Bass).

Is It Right For My Wife to Keep Almost All Her Inheritance For Herself?

Dear Neil:  I am a 46-year-old married man with a 14-year-old wonderful son.  My wife and I have always shared everything.  But recently my wife inherited a large sum of both money and property.  We discussed our good fortune and decided we would set aside some money for our son’s college, invest in our retirement and possibly build our dream house.  Our lawyer recommended that we redo our wills, since our financial situation had changed so drastically.  But when we at the lawyer’s office to sign our wills, I was shocked to see that my wife had changed her

Is a 48 Year Old Never Married Bachelor a Wise Choice for Me?

Dear Neil:  I’ve had a good relationship for the past year with a 48 year-old man who has never been married.  He needs a fair amount of time to himself.  I also like time alone, but I find myself wishing we could have a more permanent relationship together.  He has never expressed interest in marriage or living together.  How can I fulfill my needs for a sense of sanctuary with someone else?  Is it naïve of me to think an unmarried bachelor at 48 would ever want a deeper commitment than he has now?

Waiting And Wishing In Denver

Resolving Money ConflictsResolving Money Conflicts Well

Do you tend to believe that money leads to happiness, fulfillment, contentment? Do you buy things for yourself or others regardless of whether you have enough money to pay for these purchases? When you feel deprived or unloved, does buying yourself something seem like your first recourse? Do you often think wistfully about all the things you could do, and all the freedom you could have, if only you had more money? When you think about being secure in your old age, is having enough money the first thing--or the main thing--that comes to mind?

Power Struggles Over Money Threaten Relationship

Dear Neil: My husband and I are in a sharp disagreement about how to handle money. We both work full time, but he brings in considerably more income than I do. Because he earns more and supports us, he feels he should be able to decide how and where our money is spent. This has led to some terrible arguments between us. I feel he is being unfair, and my feelings of closeness and intimacy have suffered, but he doesn't want to talk about it. Our sex life is at it's lowest point ever. How can we resolve this problem?

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