Sex / Sexual Issues

HOW TO JUMP START YOUR LOVE LIFE

Dear Neil: I am in a long-term mostly happy marriage with my husband of 17 years, but there is no sexual juice at all between us. In virtually every other respect our relationship is wonderful: we love and care about each other, we are financially doing OK, we 're good parents together, we're very compatible, we get along well, we seldom fight or even disagree. He is attractive and successful, our doctors say that we're both healthy and fit, and we are very social with other people. So what is wrong with us?

There May Be a Solution for Women's Loss of Libido

Dear Neil: Given that you are a marriage and family therapist, I am surprised that you seem to know so little about post-menopausal women. Western post-menopausal women ---due to stressful lives, bad diet and lack of exercise---end up with endocrine degeneration, which in turn leads to a significant loss of sexual urge. Foreplay doesn't work, and sex becomes no fun. This can be quickly corrected by measured and monitored doses of natural hormone treatment.

What Has Caused My Wife's Loss of Sexual Desire?

Dear Neil: My wife of 25 years and I are both in our late fifties. We once had great emotional and physical intimacy, but now her desire for sex is non-existent. She constantly repels my advances—to such a degree that we now sleep in separate bedrooms. I find myself getting short-tempered, irritable and grumpy, which is out of character for me. This increases the tensions and frictions in our marriage. What is causing this, and is there anything I can do about it?

Desperate in New Zealand

For Women With Low Libido, Sex is First a Decision, Not a Drive

Dear Neil: Your article about a woman's loss of libido published in October suggested that testosterone treatment is the answer for reduced libido in women. Unfortunately testosterone is not available in New Zealand, and doctors cannot prescribe it. Could you raise this in your column in an effort to reverse the situation?

Stymied in Wellington, New Zealand

The Sexually Starved Woman

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

We all know that men have one-track minds. That lot's of women are fearful of being too affectionate with their man for fear that he will interpret that affection as a sexual invitation. We all know that men desire as much sex as they can get, and that they virtually never get enough.

But what we all know turns out not to be completely right. Although there are men who are almost always in the mood, there are other men who are seldom or never in the mood.

For Women With Low Libido

Sex Is First a Decision, Not a Drive

What Does My Boyfriend Need in Order to Make Up His Mind?

Dear Neil: Twice in the past year my boyfriend of two years has indicated to me that he’s confused and needs to think about our relationship. The first time was six months ago. Now he wants more time, and I’m not sure I want to give him any more time. Is he going to be chronically confused in this relationship?

Not Knowing Which Way To Turn, South Africa

Having Sex When You're Not in the Mood

Dear Neil: I understand that being in a relationship often involves doing things for the other person that you may not particularly like. Examples are things like dishes that someone else dirties, giving a massage when you’re tired, spending Christmas with the mother-in-law, etc. I also understand that this extends to sex, even if you’re not in the mood. But how far is too far in terms of compromising sexually? Actually, how far is too far in compromising in general?

Not Always Wanting To
Wellington, New Zealand

Quiz: The Loss of Sexual Desire

Dear Neil: I am a 38 year-old married mother of two, and I have an issue with the total loss of my sexual desire. We have a good marriage. I love my husband dearly and I am very attracted to him. I don’t know what it wrong with me. I have no desire to have sex at all. Can you help me? I don’t want to lose him and he has been very patient with me.

It’s Not Working Right in Colorado

Lack of Sex Leads Couple to the Brink

Dear Neil: Five years ago, when husband’s ADHD/bi-polar son started acting out, I was so exhausted after working all day and then dealing with his son that I had no desire for lovemaking. After about a year and a half without intimacy, one night was all it took and I became pregnant. The pregnancy lasted about two months. I can conceive but not carry full term, and I was devastated. This was my third pregnancy loss. We’ve not had sex since—I’ve not been able to. This week he told me that he was having an affair with a woman at work and that she