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Trust and Betrayal

REPAIRING A BREACH OF TRUST

Dear Neil: I have been disloyal to the man I care about, and am finding it difficult to know how to regain his trust. I had reached an emotionally low ebb, and unloaded my frustrations and disenchantments to a business partner of his. I accused him of being a narcissist, untruthful, incapable of loving and of living in fantasy. This was done through a series of very harshly worded emails, which my intimate partner read. A potential business deal ran aground, due in part to my actions.

Quiz: Do You Have a Hard Time Trusting People?

Note:  This is the first of a two-part series.

Answer true (T) or false (F) to the following statements:

   1. I believe most people can be trusted. ___
   2. I find it easy to trust those close to me. ___
   3. The people I have loved the most have been trustworthy. ___
   4. The people closest to me throughout my life have been sensitive to my needs.___
   5. I was raised with very responsible people. ___
   6. I have several models of happy love relationships in my family. ___

Trust and Betrayal

Dear Neil: I have no real trust for anyone in my life and I never really have had trust for people. I grew up with no one to count on. My mother was verbally, mentally and physically abusive to me. I was always compared to other girls. I now work in a casino in Las Vegas, as does my husband of three years. He recently accepted a position at a new casino, and the thought of him making friends with new women and working with beautiful partially nude women makes me sick This is ruining my life—and my marriage.

Exploring Your Trust Issues

NOTE:  This is the second of a two-part series.

Have you had difficulty trusting important people in your life?  More to the point, are you wanting to trust people more than you do?  Trust your intimate partner more?  If so, complete the following sentences as thoroughly as you can, courtesy of Pat Love in the book The Truth About Love (Fireside):

Concerning your intimate partner: 

Lying Boyfriend Should be Dumped!

Dear Neil:  My boyfriend of seven months said when we met said he was a doctor.  My mother decided to see on-line where he went to school.  She never found him.  So she did a background report to make sure I was safe, and lo and behold, there was no information on his job, but we discovered that he is married.  I confronted him about that.  He said he is in a nasty divorce and it’s almost over.  He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t see the point.  Two months later he tells me he isn’t a doctor and he never went to West Point like he said he

Betrayal May be Too Hard to Overcome

Dear Neil:  I’ve been in an on-and-off again relationship with a man I have two children with.  I love him dearly and I want to be with him.  But he wants to leave in order to determine what he really wants from our relationship and how he feels about me.  He’s having a hard time dealing with the past.  I had an affair with his brother, and he can’t get past it.  I love him, and he means the world to me.  Please help.

Lostlove in Baltimore, Maryland

Overcoming Obstacles

Dear Neil:  My boyfriend (Type A personality) and I (Type B) are on the brink of calling it quits after an 8 month long-distance relationship.  Up until about 10 days ago, everything was wonderful.  Truly wonderful.  We had begun discussing marriage and we were both sure that we’d found “the one.”  But after finding out that his boss would not allow him to move to Denver (as earlier promised), and I not being able to move to Kansas City due to my owning a successful business in Denver, things have seemingly begun to fall apart.

Emotional Affairs

Dear Neil:  I have just discovered that my wife of two years has had what she is calling “an affair of the heart” with someone else.  She assures me that they haven’t sexually consummated the relationship, and says she doesn’t love him, but says they have grown very close and emotionally intimate.  She says that as long as she isn’t being unfaithful, I should have nothing to worry about, and that the other person is just a close friend.  But she has also said that they once kissed, and I read on an e-mail of hers where they talked about what might have happened if th

When Trust is a Relationship Issue

Dear Neil:  I am currently trying to salvage my relationship with my girlfriend of four years.  I have caused a lot of hurt to her (drinking related), but for the last seven months I have been trying to show her that all of the bad things are gone.  She says she can’t go back.  I love her deeply, yet it took getting to this point to have finally owned up to my issues and to do something about them.  Is there a way for her and I to work this out?  There is still a lot of love there, but I have been pushing and pushing on the “us” issue and I think I may have

More Steps to Forgiveness

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series.

Here are more suggestions for letting go of your hurts and resents in order to forgive:

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