Most of us want to believe the fairy tale we grew up with: that two people can fall in love, get married and live happily ever after—or some variation of that. Some of us do live that fairy tale, but most of us struggle with the “happily ever after” part. It’s not that we don’t […]
Over the course of my career as a marriage counselor, I have heard thousands of stories about intimate relationships that have gone wrong. Love, which takes much less effort in the beginning of a relationship, increasingly requires far more effort, relational skills and stick-to-it-ness as the relationship matures. Because of the almost unlimited number of […]
One of the sadder experiences I have encountered as a marriage and family therapist is when a couple comes into my office with one person speaking of the relationship being over and wanting to move on—while the other person frantically declares that s/he is willing to do anything to save the relationship—and begs for one […]
Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.” The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.) How much […]
Note: This is the third of a three-part series. Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving? Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment: Access your core hurts. Our core […]
As we approach Valentine’s Day this year, I would like to highlight some of the best ways to keep your relationship romantic, close, connected and hot: Learn how to nurture. When you think of nurturing a child, most people know what that means. But when you nurturing your intimate partner, many people give blank stares […]
The following are rules to live by if you desire a happy, more fulfilled life. Honor these suggestions and your New Year will be a lot happier and more satisfying: Any love, when it is ignored, not given a high enough priority or when it is treated poorly—deteriorates. Be an active participant in your intimate […]
Have you ever wondered why some couples, over time, remain warm, connected, affectionate and close to each other, while so many other couples flounder? Want to learn their secret? Many factors go into creating a happy, long-term relationship: effective communication, the ability to resolve differences so that both partners feel valued and honored, affection, endearments, […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Think about the many moments in a relationship when your partner lets down his or her guard and exposes a soft spot. Perhaps it is when he is scrutinizing his bald spot in the mirror and looking forlorn. Perhaps it is when she has removed her […]
Dear Neil: Would you discuss the question of spiritual intimacy. What is it? How do you attain it? Why don’t more people have it? We are two friends with a bet. One of us says that, although rare, it’s attainable. The other says it doesn’t exist. Your answer will decide who buys dinner. QuestioningLongmont, Colorado […]