How Comfortable are You in Receiving Love?

Below are questions designed to help you discover how comfortable you are in receiving love.  Rank each item with S for “sometimes,” O for “often,” or R for “rarely” or N for “never.”

1. ___ Do you feel uncomfortable when somebody brags about you?
2. ___ Do you feel negative toward someone else who is bragged about?
3. ___ Do you get gifts and then feel obligated?
4. ___ Do you devalue the gifts others give you?
5. ___ Do you deflect compliments when you get them?
6. ___ Do you ask for something, get it, and then find something wrong with it?
7. ___ Do you find yourself mainly remembering only the “bad times”?
8. ___ Does it seem to you that no one wants you to have what you want?
9. ___ Do you say “I want you to offer it,” and when your partner does, you say your partner offered it only because you asked for it?
10. ___ Do you feel uncomfortable when another person is getting all the attention?
11. ___ Do you feel like “nothing is ever good enough”?
12. ___ Do you feel uncomfortable wanting things for yourself?
13. ___ Do you say you don’t want it then complain about not getting it?
14. ___ Do you see everyone else as having what they want?
15. ___ Do you have trouble accepting other’s positive evaluations of your worth and your ability?
16. ___ Do you feel uncomfortable giving something to yourself?
17. ___ Do you feel critical of someone who is needy?
18. ___ Do you feel like a bad person?
19. ___ Do you feel worthless?
20. ___ Do you feel like a failure?
21. ___ Do you feel depressed?
22. ___ Do you feel anger at others who are fortunate?
23. ___ Do you have trouble imaging how others can accept praise?
24. ___ Do you feel uncomfortable with people who want nurturing?
25. ___ Do you feel like you have nothing to give?
26. ___ Do you get a compliment and think “If you knew what I was really like, you would not say that”?
27. ___ Do you feel uncomfortable asking for nurturing?
28. ___ Do you get what you ask for then feel empty?

To calculate your comfort in receiving love, count the items marked R and multiply by 2.  Then count the total items marked S and O and multiply by 2.  If your R number is greater than your S+O number, it means your ability to receive love is greater than your impulse to push it away.  If your S+O number is higher than your R number, then you have a more difficult time receiving and accepting love.  If that’s the case, this quiz assists you in knowing which opportunities are available to you in order for you take in more love than you currently do.

If you’re currently in an intimate relationship, ask your partner to take the assessment also, and then dialogue with each other about your discoveries.

I will discuss the reasons we have trouble receiving love in next week’s column.

Source:  “Receiving Love” by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt (Atria).