Note: This is the first of a two-part series.

Dear Neil:  How can I determine if my boyfriend is going through a midlife crisis?

Disturbed in Longmont, ColoradoDear Disturbed:  Take this quiz, courtesy of Gay Courter and Pat Gaudette in the book “How To Survive Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis” (Perigee).  How many of the following fits your man?

• He is between 40 and 60 years old
• He is on either side of his 40th or 50th birthday
• He is showing concerns about getting old
• He has bought a more youthful wardrobe
• He is coloring his hair or trying a trendier cut
• He reminisces about his teen years or “when he was younger”
• He listens to romantic songs from his dating years
• He talks about his “first love” and wonders “what if”
• He yearns for a sportier vehicle (or has bought one)
• He doesn’t find enjoyment in the usual leisure-time activities
• He wants to do something adventurously out of character like hang gliding or auto racing
• He’s bored with his life
• He questions the meaning of his life
• He is dissatisfied with his job or career
• He feels trapped by responsibilities or obligations to others
• He has financial problems
• He worries about the future
• He suddenly wants another child
• He is unhappy that the children are grown and on their own
• He has some major health problems
• He has experienced the recent death of a parent, close friend or other family member
• He is frequently nervous and/or irritable
• Uncharacteristically, he is frequently criticizing you or your relationship
• He is not interested in sex
• He feels inadequate
• He says he loves you but isn’t “in love with you”
• He is uncharacteristically abusive
• He is recently divorced
• He worries about everything to excess
• His sleeping habits have changed
• He drinks more or is doing more mood altering drugs
• He feels that life no longer has any purpose
• He is concerned about death and dying
• He rewrites what you considered a good relationship by stating “We were never happy”
• He wants what he can’t have and doesn’t want whatever he knows he can have
• He finds himself thinking “responsibility bad, spontaneity good”

Scoring:  0-7 indicates normal midlife emotions.

8-15 suggests more serious midlife issues.

16 or more indicates that a crisis is on the immediate horizon.

I will continue this discussion in next week’s column.