Are You Wanting More Support From Your Partner?
Do you think you are a supportive spouse or intimate partner? Would your significant other agree with your answer?
Or maybe you want more support from your partner?
Of course, both answers could be true. But what exactly does it mean when you say that you want your partner do be more supportive? Supportive of what? How often? For how long? What exactly would you like your partner to do in order for you feel a greater level of support?
Try taking this quiz, borrowed from Pat Love in the book The Truth About Love (Fireside). Rate each idea in terms of how supportive this would feel to you from 1 (not helpful) to 6 (very helpful):
- Ask me “Is there anything I can do to help?”
- Point out that I seem stressed.
- Give me space and time to work it out myself.
- Listen to me.
- Ask if I want to talk about it.
- Have sex with me.
- Give me advice.
- Ask me questions about what is going on.
- Pitch in and help out with what needs to be done.
- Take over some of my responsibilities.
- Give me physical affection.
- Take me out for some fun.
- Give me peace and quiet.
- Spend time with me.
- Tell me you’re interested in what is going on with me.
- Tell me you love me.
- Tell me some good news.
- Do your best to cheer me up.
- Cook my favorite meal.
- Suggest we go for a walk.
- Reassure me that things will be OK.
- Be friendly to me and to my feelings.
- Greater financial support.
Now find a specific issue on which you would like more support from your partner. Put some time and consideration into thinking about this carefully. Where/how would you like greater support from your partner? With child rearing? Money? Household chores? More affection and/or sex? Find one issue to talk about. Here are some ways Love recommends you approach the issue:
- “One issue I could use some support with now is …..”
- “You could help me by…”
- “What I specifically need is…”
- “If you did that, I would feel…”
One more thing. Getting more support from your partner isn’t everything. Being willing to give support to your partner is equally powerful and vital for a healthy relationship.
Comments are closed.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Does this happen in your relationship?
One person (let’s say it’s you) makes a request of your intimate partner. Maybe you want help with ...read more
Here are the basic intimacy skills a healthy intimate relationship requires of us:
- That I communicate with you the very best I can. Good ...read more
Everyone knows that it feels more intimate to be connected to the people we care about and love.
But what does that mean, and how do you do it? ...read more
Dear Neil: I’m a 24 year old male in my final year of university. Sometimes I can be extremely confident, with high self-esteem. But sometimes, ...read more
Dear Neil: My husband and I were married at a very young age–he was 21 and I was 19. We’ve now been married 25 years and have successfully ...read more
A woman falls in love with a man. She is wild about him, and will follow him anywhere. But he has a hard time believing that she loves him, and interprets ...read more
Dear Neil: I know I have an anger problem and I need help to control it. When things don’t work out, when I’m running late or when I’ve ...read more
Dear Neil: Could you explain how dating works? I am 29 years old, and don’t know how to tell a guy that I want him to invite me out on a date. ...read more
Dear Neil: Could you address the subject of forgiveness? Although I know what it means to forgive, I’m baffled by how to do it.
My wife ...read more