Can You Affair-Proof Your Relationship?
Let’s face it: it’s pretty easy to be tempted. Attractive strangers, hot co-workers, charming business associates, sexy acquaintances. We have lots of possibilities to have multiply affairs all around us if we wish to be tempted.
So why do some stray when others don’t? Take this quiz, courtesy of Pepper Schwartz in The Lifetime Love and Sex Quiz Book (Hyperion).
Respond true or false.
- You and your partner kiss a lot. You both like kissing each other.
- Your sex life still feels vital, engaged and mutual.
- You no longer feel the need to fuss over your face and worry about your wardrobe to try to look good for your partner.
- You’ve packed on more than a little extra weight since you and your honey have been together. So has s/he.
- At least one sexy little lingerie number has been introduced into your relationship within the past year.
- You haven’t been on an honest-to-goodness date in months, and it feels like candlelit dinners, picnics on the beach and moonlight walks are all distant memories.
- Occasionally, you two go dancing, play sports together, take drives in the country or just take a stroll together.
- You both consider quality alone time for just the two of you to be essential. You go on a romantic weekend together—at least once every three months.
- When vacations, family or business trips arise, you both try to invite the other to accompany you.
- Gift giving is limited to appropriate occasions, such as Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries.
- You talk with each other about your future dreams, goals and wishes at least once a month.
- You think personal problems should be kept private. Neither of you seek the help of an outside counselor, therapist or religious adviser.
- You and your partner are in continuous contact. You talk on the phone or e-mail each other regularly during the week. You always basically know how to reach each other.
- You both try to keep each other laughing.
- Both of you come home from work and spill the essential details of your day.
Scoring: 1. True=1 False=0 2. True=1 False =0 3. True=0 False=1 4. True=0 False=1 5. True=1 False=0 6. True=0 False=1 7. True=1 False=0 8. True=1 False=0 9. True=1 False=0 10. True=0 False=1 11. True=1 False=0 12. True=0 False=1 13. True=1 False=0 14. True=1 False=0 15. True=1 False=0
Questions 1-5: You need at least four points here to have a relationship with enough heat in it to be vital and special. If sex and seductiveness are not regularly present, one or both of you could be longing for passion.
Questions 6-10: If you don’t have at least three points here, it means that your relationship is likely to be romance-deprived. You may still have chemistry, but if you no longer have much romance, one or both of you will feel disconnected or distant—or even perhaps unloved. You need to build up the intimacy in your relationship.
Questions 11-15: If you have less than three points here, you’re not behaving like close friends. You need to be more in each other’s daily life.
Successful relationships require romance, eroticism and communication in order to know and trust each other well enough to feel close, connected and engaged. Neglect any one of these factors and your relationship could be at a greater risk for one of you to stray.
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Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
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