NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO PART SERIES

Especially if you have been married for a long period of time–or if you’ve been in many relationships through the years–this column is designed as a primer on how to keep the sexual spark alive and vital.

Sex doesn’t stay vital in a long-range relationship by itself. You have to make it vi f you want your lady to be happy in bed, do it her way. Tenderness, warmth, non-sexual touch, affection, kisses and romance first. Then it is okay for you to go after sex. This scenario needs to be repeated over and over again.

• A woman wants to be wanted and desired because she is competent or capable, or because she tries hard and is giving. She wants you to value her for what she is and what she does. Treat her as is she is the most important part of your life. Then you can admire her body.
• Make eye contact, listen to her and value her opinion. Don’t just talk.
• Don’t show her affection only when you want sex. That is a turn-off.

If You Are A Woman

• Take the lead and initiate more. Men love it when a woman acts seductive rather than passive. Tell him you want him, invite him to take you and put his hands on your body.
• Don’t be too tired.
• Fondle him also. Don’t passively lie there and let him do all the work. Men, especially after they reach middle age, need more direct stimulation. Help him out.

For Everyone

• Perhaps the biggest turn-on of all is to be appreciated for what you are contributing to the relationship, which means to be acknowledged and thanked.
• Take a bath or shower before bedtime. Who isn’t stimulated by a squeaky-clean body–and mouth–that smell nice?
• Be kind to each other and keep trying to be responsive and giving. These are secret ingredients that keep people close.
• Ask your mate what he/she needs from you in order to feel sexually happy, fulfilled and satisfied. Do what he/she asks as often as you can, or negotiate to what you are willing to do, and make sure you do it.
• Deal with what’s ever in the way of the two of you feeling closer and more connected.
• Make sure you’re looking as attractive and as sexually appealing as you can, and do so on a ongoing basis.