Talking to Each Other

These are more couple communication exercises taken from Bonnie Sose's book "Talk to Me." To get the most out this exercise, allow each person to answer the same question before you go on to the next question.

• How is your mate unique?
• What needs of yours does your mate fulfill? Can you remember a time when your mate was particularly sensitive to your needs?
• Complete this sentence: I am sorry for the time I.....
• What do you think is the most important milestone that you and your mate have succeeded in passing through together? In what ways do you think it changed your life together?
• How much affection do you need? In what specific ways do you like your mate to show you affection? Are there certain times you need more affection?
• When was the last time your mate whispered sweet nothings in your ear?
• What weighs heavy on your shoulders? Is there any way your mate can help you with this problem?
• How do you distinguish between sexual attraction and real love?
• How can you keep your love fresh? Are there specific things that keep the spark alive in your relationship? What are they?
• When was the last time you: a) undressed your mate for bed b) bought something for your mate to wear to bed c) gave your mate a private fashion show d) were free spirited in your lovemaking?
• Can you recall a time when you were fed up with your mate and considered ending the relationship? What made you stay?
• Do you see a talent in your mate that is undeveloped?
• Is it true that opposites attract? In what ways are you and your mate distinctly different? How do these differences work for or against your relationship?
• Share the most meaningful compliment you have received from you mate.
• What is the one key that would open your heart? What once did?
• How, and in what specific ways, do you need your mate to show you attention outside of lovemaking?
• If you or your mate are out of shape, does this affect your lovemaking?
• What does the word "helpmate" mean in a relationship?
• How romantic is your mate? How and what ways are you romantic? What would set the tone for a very romantic evening?
• List five things that promote oneness in your relationship.
• In what ways do you help build your mates self-esteem? In what ways do you tear it down?
• When did you know you had fallen in love? How soon after dating did you consider a permanent relationship?
• How do you feel when you are ignored by your mate?
• What else do you feel you deserve from your mate?
• Is there any area that you feel your mate neglects you or your feelings?
• When did you know that the honeymoon was over?
• Do you think there should be a head of the household? If yes, explain what that means to you.
• Do you resent your mate when he/she nags you or gives you advise? What kind of things do you hate being nagged about?
• How and in what ways do you try to help your mate?
• In what ways are you compatible with your mate?
• What common values do you share with your mate?