These Are My Needs

What are your needs in an intimate relationship?  This is an exercise in self-discovery, adapted from Philip McGraw’s “The Relationship Rescue Workbook” (Hyperion).  As you recognize and acknowledge your needs, you create a path toward getting those needs met.

For every need that applies to you, put X on the line to the left of it.  I have the need:

____   To feel, and be told, that I am loved.

____    To feel a sense of belonging to and with my partner.

____    To feel respected as an individual.

____    To feel valued for other than the tasks I perform.

____    To feel that I am a priority in my partner’s life.

____    To feel special. More important than everything else in my partner’s life.

____    To feel that my partner is proud to be with me.

____    To feel that I have been—and can be—forgiven for transgressions.

____    To feel accepted, flaws and all.

____    To feel that my partner and I are close and trusted friends.

____    To feel desired.

____    To feel appreciated for who I am and what I do.

____    To feel passion between me and my partner.

____    To feel emotionally connected with my partner.

____    To be touched, caressed, held or hugged.

____    To be kissed.

____    To feel that I am welcomed in my partner’s personal space.

____    To be physically welcomed when encountering my partner.

____    For tenderness.

____    For a satisfying and rewarding sexual life.

____    To feel that my spiritual values and needs are supported and respected.

____   To share a spiritual life.

____    To be remembered with calls and acknowledgments when apart.

____    To feel that my partner will plan and structure his/her activities to include me.

____    For appropriate tenderness, politeness and support when interacting with the world.

____   To share fun, joy and laughter.

____    To know that my partner will stand by me in times of distress and conflict.

____    To feel that my partner will rally to my aid if needed.

____    To feel supported by my partner.

____    To know that my partner is loyal and committed.

____    To know that our relationship will not be put at risk because of any disagreements.

____    To know that my partner is my soft place to fall.

____    Can you think of any other needs not listed?

Knowing what you need in an intimate relationship doesn’t ensure that you’ll get those needs met.  That takes good, effective, consistent communication and a partner willing to hear and be responsive to you .  But knowing what your needs are is still the first step in getting those needs met and therefore being happy in your relationship.